September 6, 2013

On The Rebound: I’m really sorry both times

LAUREL COUNTY, Ky. — I owe two people apologies this week. Well there are probably many more, but we will focus on these two.

First there is a lady at Kroger that pulled up next to me as I walked into the store. She rolled down her window and said, “You need to slow down before you kill somebody.”

Dazed and confused, I just smiled. She just looked at me. I thought it was a joke or a case of mistaken identity. Was this somebody I did not recognize or my guardian angel? Then she repeated her statement again without a smile.

“Gulp,” I said.

So here is my version of the events to the best of my memory. I was not in a hurry that morning. I am sure because I was on my way to work, which I am never in a hurry to reach. I also remember the car in front of me on Highway 192 was going 10 miles under the speed limit. Unless I pushed them I was not speeding.

I pulled into the Kroger parking lot pleased that there were so few cars. I did cut across one lane of the parking lot, something that has caused me much rage at Walmart when other people do it.

I am sorry nice lady for whatever it was I did that prompted you to scare me. I was so afraid to leave Kroger my milk spoiled.

The second lady I will try to be ever vaguer about the location because she scared me more. I was taking a letter to an undisclosed location that sells stamps and delivers mail. At this secret location there is often a line.

I know I was in a hurry this day because my next stop was Hardee’s to get a fresh biscuit. Maybe I was walking too fast and with too much purpose. As I strode up to the line, the lady in front of me spun like I was a mugger.

I am sorry if I recall this exchange incorrectly, but you have to understand I could not have been more stunned if a spaceship had beamed me up.

“Don’t ever disrespect a woman like that. Don’t ever move up on a woman like that,” she said.

I was about an arm’s length away from here. I took another step back and said, “Gulp.”

She continued.

“I’m serious. Don’t ever disrespect a woman like that.”

I had nothing to say at that point. I still don’t. 

Next week I promise to walk and drive slower. It would be O.K. with me if I did not leave the house except for Hardee’s biscuits.

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Now that school is out, what are your family’s summer vacation plans?

A. No major plans. We will probably hang out around Laurel County.
B. Going to the beach!
C. Kentucky has a lot of wonderful state parks, and we plan to visit a few and enjoy quality family time.
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