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Columns

February 20, 2014

Publisher's Notebook: Duck Dynasty secret revealed

LAUREL COUNTY, Ky. — I think I’ve figured out how the Robertson men on “Duck Dynasty” became so wealthy. Sure, making duck calls has brought in a lot of money. But I believe a big portion of their wealth comes from not having to buy expensive razors.

As their long scraggly beards can attest, Willie, Jace, Si, Phil and the rest of the clan haven’t shaved in years. Think of all the money they’ve saved on razors, shaving cream and other facial hygiene products, as well as decent clothing, since they wear camouflage most of the time. No wonder they are wealthy.

Meanwhile, clean-shaven men like me struggle to pay for decent razors that have risen astronomically in price. Razor refills are so expensive they are held under lock and key at Walmart and most drug stores. It’s pretty bad when a man has to steal just to get a decent shave.

It would be nice if we didn’t have to shave every day, like the Robertsons. But most of us can’t pull off the mountain-man look. Sure, we can grow the long hair and the long beard, but without the Robertson’s money and panache, we’d just be scary people and be mistaken for the Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski.

Personally, I think the Robertson men looked better when they were clean shaven. Check out their photos on the internet. They looked like yuppies in their golf attire and their young, beautiful wives.

Now that they’ve got millions of dollars in the bank and a hit TV show, they can look as scraggly and eccentric as they please and still keep the beautiful women around.

Would women still find them sexy if they didn’t watch the show and saw them out at Walmart? At least they wouldn’t be in there trying to stuff razors in their camouflage pants.

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