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August 5, 2013

Points East: There’s a thief in our midst

LAUREL COUNTY, Ky. — The Lowell Branch Bandit has struck again and I’m really commencing to get seriously upset about this very confounding situation. 

The capers or hits, or whatever you want to call them, started about a month ago shortly after Loretta bought several throw pillows for our front porch furniture. Four or five of them were green and two were shades of red and purple.

Around the first of July, we had a storm one night and the next day Loretta announced one of her pillows was missing.  We looked all over the yard and garden, thinking that maybe wind had blown it off the porch but it was not to be found on the place.

I knew there was more to it than wind because the missing pillow was too heavy to have blown very far and if the wind had been that strong, my sweet corn would have been flattened.  Then, a few nights later, a green pillow went missing in perfectly calm weather.

Two weekends ago, I left my good, high-dollar SAS dress shoes sitting on a porch table when I changed into my garden sneakers to go pick beans.  I forgot and left them on the porch overnight and the next morning one was gone.   We spent an hour searching and I even called some friends in Mount Vernon who had been visiting to see if one of their kids might have packed it off.

In the meantime, two more pillows went missing and then, last Saturday, it was the straw that broke the camel’s back!  I admit I’m a slow learner, but I left my brand new, $100, top-of-the-line New Balance sneakers on the porch to dry because I’d gotten them soaking wet during a rainstorm Friday and I forgot to bring ‘em in.  Saturday morning one of them was gone and I’m fuming — big time.

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