LAUREL COUNTY, Ky. —
And then, two weeks ago, the two, 100-ft. rows of Bodacious sweet-corn commenced getting full and the silks dropping off and the kernels started bursting to roasting and boiling perfection and we’d had corn on the cob three nights in a row and the ears were more than 18 inches long and bigger around than my wrist because wet weather agrees with sweet corn.
Almost every stalk had one huge and one smaller ear on it and we were bragging and sharing with everybody we knew for three or four days when the black winged devils discovered what Loretta can truly call “her” corn patch because she planted every hill.
The winged vermin moved in at dawn on Thursday, a nasty, allied drove of evil, feathered bodies, consisting of starlings, grackles, regular old black birds and common cowbirds, bent on destruction.
By Saturday morning, half of our (and Loretta can legit it call “her”) sweet corn crop was destroyed so we picked it and commenced hauling it by the dozen-ears or more to our friends and loved ones but there was a big bunch still left in the garden and Loretta maintains that she put up enough last year to last for several and that it’ll keep for years so we might as well give this crop away cause we sure can’t eat it.
So one of my cousins told us to hang old aluminum pie plates or old computer CDs in the garden where they would twist around and reflect light and that would scare the black winged vermin away. And I had a big stack of old, blank, slow speed CDs laying around cause I didn’t know how to recycle them.
So I spent two hours with an old spool of fishing line and making big loops through the middle holes of the CDs and I hung more than a dozen of these reflectors off the stiff tassels of my sweet corn so that they would twist and turn and shoot rays of multicolored light and scare off birds.
Sunday morning I looked out and the black birds had discovered that my CDs made excellent mirrors and they were sitting in the tassels, using their reflection to see how to pick the sweet corn out of their teeth.