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May 17, 2013

On The Rebound: I’m the one not watching Duck Dynasty

LAUREL COUNTY, Ky. — I don’t’ watch Duck Dynasty. There I said it.

I seem to be the only one in London that doesn’t watch the reality show. I don’t go around saying, “Happy, Happy, Happy,” or carry a glass of sweat tea everywhere.

I have watched and thoroughly enjoyed the Robertson boys.  It is a great show and we need more shows that depict solid family and religious values. I just never saw a reason to turn on a series that depicts what I see every day in London.

Doesn’t everyone have nephews that wake up their mother at 3 a.m. with the sounds and smell of fresh frog legs being fried?  I work with people that bring venison chili and squirrel for lunch.

One day I walked in the office with my daughters and the smell slapped me before I had even shut the front door. Maggie asked what smelled so good. It was fried squirrel.

You never saw Snookie eating fried squirrel on Jersey Shore.  I might watch NCIS if they investigated a homicide involving a turkey and a .12 gauge. I don’t watch those shows because I can’t relate to them. I don’t watch Duck Dynasty because I can relate.

I have a daughter that is camoed out from her cell phone cover to the comforter she sleeps under.  I kid you not; we had chickens in our upstairs bathroom until just a few weeks ago. Now they are in the outbuilding until we can convert the swing set into a chicken coop. You might be a redneck if...?

When I go to mom and dad’s house, you can look out the window and watch turkey and deer. And you never know what dad’s going to trap. It could be an opossum or a raccoon. Then there is a dark spot on the side of the little house next to my dad that we once called home. This spot came from a skunk being introduced to a shotgun late one night. The skunk left this world by spraying one final statement on the wall.

My girls once tried trapping at our house, which is much less rural. We caught a house cat. You have never witnessed chaos until you have released a house cat that spent the night in a wire trap that isn’t much bigger than the cat. He took off like a bullet from a gun and is probably still running.

My point is this: I do love Duck Dynasty, I just don’t watch it. Both sides of my family still pray when we gather for a family meal. We have enough guns to defend ourselves should Tennessee try to invade. The only thing we don’t have is the beards.

mhoward@sentinel-echo.com

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Now that school is out, what are your family’s summer vacation plans?

A. No major plans. We will probably hang out around Laurel County.
B. Going to the beach!
C. Kentucky has a lot of wonderful state parks, and we plan to visit a few and enjoy quality family time.
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