November 11, 2013

A Canuck in Kantuck: A November column



On Monday, William will have a test that will show how his heart has recovered and we’ll know once and for all where we stand. Interestingly, that will happen after 9 and a half months — a perfect pregnancy — of time. He’s had other critical tests this past year that have shown big leaps of improvement. If this one does too, we can close this chapter. If it doesn’t, we’re not sure where we’ll stand, but it’s not going to be in a great place.

Thinking about the test, I want so badly to skip into the future I find myself feeling like I may pop out of my skin and climb the walls and scream. So right now, I’m listening to yoga radio on Pandora and drinking chamomile tea, hoping the calm will seep into me like osmosis.

Over the past nine months, I’ve learned a lot. First and foremost, I’ve learned what an incredible person I married. I thought I knew this, but it turns out you don’t know someone all the way until they get sick. Through it all, he’s never complained. He’s never asked why this happened to him. He’s never told me he feels bad. He’s talked me down from panic with steely patience. He studied about his illness and by the time he had his second echocardiogram, he could practically read the study himself. He’s strong. By god, is he strong.

While I was strong in the beginning, the past months have whittled me down. When William went back into atrial fibrillation in May — something I haven’t talked about before and something we expect will happen again — my strength left me. I sunk into a depression and I had little way of climbing out because it had never happened to me before. I couldn’t sleep or eat. I couldn’t even lie in the bed with my husband because my anxiety would get so intense I would start obsessively counting his breaths. I have never been obsessive before. But this past summer, I was.

Text Only
AP Video
Disabled Veterans Memorial Nearing Completion Last Mass Lynching in U.S. Remains Unsolved Home-sharing Programs Help Seniors Ex-NYC Mayor: US Should Allow Flights to Israel Clinton: "AIDS-Free Generation Within Our Reach" Judge Ponders Overturning Colo. Gay Marriage Ban Airlines Halt Travel to Israel Amid Violence NYPD Chief Calls for 'use of Force' Retraining VA Nominee McDonald Goes Before Congress Bush: Don't Worry, Sugarland Isn't Breaking Up US Official: Most Migrant Children to Be Removed Police Probing Brooklyn Bridge Flag Switch CDC Head Concerned About a Post-antibiotic Era Raw: First Lady Says `Drink Up' More Water Courts Conflicted Over Healthcare Law Holder Urges Bipartisanship on Immigration Raw: Truck, Train Crash Leads to Fireball US Airlines Cancel Israel Flights Obama Signs Workforce Training Law Crash Victims' Remains Reach Ukraine-held City
Hyperlocal Search
Premier Guide
Find a business

Walking Fingers
Maps, Menus, Store hours, Coupons, and more...
Premier Guide

Now that school is out, what are your family’s summer vacation plans?

A. No major plans. We will probably hang out around Laurel County.
B. Going to the beach!
C. Kentucky has a lot of wonderful state parks, and we plan to visit a few and enjoy quality family time.
     View Results