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November 18, 2013

A Canuck in Kantuck: Snow on a new day

(Continued)

LAUREL COUNTY, Ky. —

It’s a good thing this obsessive-compulsive behavior doesn’t take over very often, as I’m pretty sure I would end up in the loony bin. By noon, I was so exhausted looking for signs I just mindlessly resigned myself to watching TV. Every few minutes, the enormity of the results would slam into me though, making me wince and shudder.

“Please,” I would periodically say aloud to no one in particular. “Just please.”

Overly dramatic? Yes, I suppose so. How lucky were we that William’s heart had already improved as much as it had? How many more serious illnesses were people dealing with? How many more dire diagnoses?

But I wasn’t in the mood to think about how lucky we were, count my blessings like ducks in a row to somehow smooth over the rough edges. I wanted it over. I wanted good news. I thought of him sitting in his office working, so strong and yet waiting helplessly for that phone call that would either release him or devastate him. I wanted him to be free, shed all this sick business like a cloak.

By 6 p.m., I was as close to desperate as I’ve ever been. I was convinced the cardiologist had gotten too busy and forgotten about William so was preparing myself to have to wait another 14 hours. I was driving Gabrielle to school so she could perform at the basketball game for her dance team. We’d just pulled into the parking lot, just pulled in, when William texted.

Two numbers: 60 and 65. That’s all it took to put us back on track.

And now the snow. It’s stopped now and everything is white and still. In a few minutes, I’m going to go outside for a walk. So I can listen to the quiet and look at this new landscape we have in front of us.

 

tkaprowy@gmail.com

 

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