LAUREL COUNTY, Ky. —
“But hustle on back over here to check out,” we’d advise, “cause everybody else does since that last woman working register number 73 finally quit last week. And all the people on registers numbers 3 through 72 retired four years ago. And you can’t self-scan the sauce on 1 and 2 because they ain’t had time to put the bar code in the system yet since they put the stuff on sale and it’ll ring up a penny more than it ought to.”
“Wonder why they have the Bull’s eye with the cereal?” I foolishly asked.
He said, “Heck, son. Where you from anyhow? Don’t tell me you’re one of them fellers that don’t put barby sauce on his cheerios and coco-puffs?”
I said, “Well I guess it does make as much sense as having the grated cheese over there beside the ice cream freezer.”
And he said, “I bet you don’t even sprinkle your butter pecan with Parmesan either, do you? But I do like Provlone better on my neopolitian even though it binds me up sometimes. Now the wife and the youngens like sharp cheddar sprinkled on theirs but I can’t take that fake strawberry stuff they like so I just scoop out all the chocolate and vanilla and leave that pink stuff for them. It actually works out pretty well for all concerned parties.”
He said, “If you’d just stop and think about it, there’s a good reason why they put ‘bout everything in this store where it’s handy to get at and easy to find. But I still don’t know why they don’t have the nuts over there in hardware where a man could pick up a hammer to crack ‘em with instead of having to run all over the store.”
Anyway, from all us here on Charlie Brown Road, Merry Jingle Bells and may tour rumpa keep on pomming and your lords keep right on leaping in the coming year. May you also remember to date your checks and correspondence 2014 before the end of the year.
I’m still stuck on 1982 cause that’s the year Loretta latched onto me.