January 15, 2013

Points East: I’ll have my people Facebook you

By Ike Adams

LAUREL COUNTY, Ky. — Last Saturday was my birthday and somehow the word got out.

For the first time since I opened an email account, over 16 years ago, my inbox was full on Sunday morning.  I’m not sure how AOL goes about allocating box space, but I do know that 516 birthday cards, mostly generated by facebookers, is all that mine will hold.

If you tried to send me email over the weekend and got a message suggesting that I am not very responsible about tending to my email account, you’ll now know the rest of the story.  The truth of the matter is that email is my lifeline.  I confess to ignoring it for a few hours last Saturday evening and early Sunday morning, but  I never expected that everybody I know, and a huge bunch of people that I don’t know, would take it upon themselves to send me email birthday greetings.

I asked Loretta what I’m supposed to do about this and she suggested I simply write a thank you note and paste it on my Facebook page.  I told her I didn’t know how to do that because the only thing I ever use Facebook for is to look at the latest pictures of my grandkids.  I only “post” stuff when I get a Facebook-generated email to which I can respond by simply hitting the “reply” button on my regular email.  

I don’t need or want to know when my Facebook friends went to the toilet, nor why, nor how long they were in there.  I am not interested in why the baby is crying nor about recent excursions to Walmart.  It matters not at all to me that the meat loaf you made for supper last night gave hubby gas and, when he came to bed, he kept you awake all night.  

So that’s why I don’t spend much time on Facebook.  I have neither the time nor inclination to scroll through a ton of idle gossip to find the occasional bit of news worth knowing.  I do belong to  three Facebook “groups” that allow me to see posts on straight email without ever having to go to the site.

Anyway, in regards to responding to birthday cards, another friend advised me that protocol demanded that I personally thank every single person who sent me a birthday email so I spent the better part of Sunday, doing just that.

Sunday evening, my double first cousin,  Babs,  who lives in Richmond, fixed a birthday dinner for me and also invited Loretta, my best pal, Ralph King and his girlfriend, Cathy.

Babs can do some serious cooking!  Easily the best, juiciest, and most tender pot roast I have ever tasted served with broccoli, cauliflower, taters, carrots and sweet corn with a big pone of corn bread baked in a cast iron skillet straight from the oven, topped off with coffee and sugar-free banana pudding.  I ate way too much, but thank Heaven, I only have one birthday every year. Figuring that Babs will cook for me again next January is huge incentive to guard my health and live to celebrate another year.   

And now, just to prove I can, when Loretta gets home, I’m gonna have her post this column on my Facebook page.  I haven’t had any hate mail in a long while and I’m commencing to feel left out.  And I figure that I can also give some people with way too much time on their hands something else to gossip about.