LAUREL COUNTY, Ky. — I didn’t get what would have been my first crop of beans planted until the last week of May. Loretta likes Roma IIs and tenderettes, both of which are bush varieties that bear early and in profusion.

The plan was to grow enough to eat on and also have enough for a couple of seven-quart canings and then replant them in late July so we could repeat the process in September.  But it has not worked out that way.

Peter Cottontail, Thumper and company discovered that bean sprouts in my garden were so tasty and of such gourmet quality that they have traveled from miles around to feast on my bean leafs and they have kept them chewed down to the ground as fast as they leaf out.  

Loretta paid big bucks for a box of stuff called Critter Ridder that was supposed to make any sort of rodent stay away from flowers and vegetables.  As far as I can tell, it has worked on coons and ground hogs but has had no effect whatever on rabbits.

Then I found some stuff called Liquid Fence that was touted as a guaranteed deer and rabbit repellant.  A gallon of concentrate cost me $32.95 plus tax and was supposed to make eight gallons of spray.  Supposedly, you put this stuff around the perimeter of your garden and rabbits won’t even cross the line.

I figured that if eight ounces was good enough, sixteen ounces ought to be way better, so I shook it up real good, as directed, poured a quart of the stuff into a two gallon pressure sprayer, filled it up with water and liberally applied in wide swath around the 250 feet edge of my garden.

Then I literally soaked my bean rows with the stuff which, incidentally, smelled so bad it nearly made me vomit.

I had already taken to sitting on the edge of my porch between dusk and pitch dark and shooing anywhere from two to six diners of the cottontail persuasion away from my bean patch.  I yelled and screamed and did my best imitation of a beagle hound.  I armed myself with big dirt clods to heave at them and they would scamper away into nearby hayfields and pastures and bide their time until I could no longer see them.   And then, of course, they would dine all night.

Anyway, about an hour after applying the liquid fence, I sat on the porch watching and, sure enough, at twilight three rabbits came hopping across my garden, paying absolutely no attention to the liquid fence.  They went directly to the beans where they commenced looking for new leafs and, within seconds, all three of them had found something to munch on. Within another few seconds they all stopped in mid-nibble and began staring at one another and nodding their heads up and down.

I don’t claim any ability to speak rabbitish but I’m sure the conversation went something like this.

“Wow! Is this new salad dressing not wonderful?” asked Peter Cottontail.

“Beyond superb!  I believe it’s bleu cheese limburger, ” exclaimed Thumper. “The combination really works!”

“We absolutely must send our compliments to Farmer Ike,” said Mrs. Cottontail, “and suggest that he also leave us a chilled bottle of nice white wine.”  

So I screamed and barked and threw dirt clods.  I will be taking the liquid fence back to Meijer’s and demanding my money back.

In the meantime I am planting Bufford Caudill fall beans and replanting the Roma’s and tenderettes this week.

I have also figured out that I can rest my .22 rifle barrel on an upstairs window sill and not be shooting toward the road or my neighbor’s house.  And I have a new motto.

I have decided that when life gives you rabbits, the best, if not only, thing to do is make hasenpfeffer. And that’s exactly what I’m going to be doing when my new crop starts coming up.



ikeadams@aol.com