LAUREL COUNTY, Ky. —
I used fishing line to hang the carcasses from my corn tassels but the flock came back and ate the rest of my first crop while they held a funeral for their buddies. Bumper Adams, from Letcher County, told me this had happened one time to Everett Banks when he tried the same tactic with a dead crow.
In other gardening news, we have eggplant, okra, bell peppers, cucumbers, Roma beans and tomatoes and such ready to pick but my garden is more akin to an everglade than something you’d try to grow veggies in and I’ve already ruined two pairs of sneakers trying to get a cabbage head. So last Saturday Loretta dragged my knee-high, rubber boots out of the basement, sprayed them full of Raid and then vacuumed them out to make sure all the brown recluse spiders that might be hiding in the toes were dead and gone.
So I pulled them on and headed for the bell peppers which are about 50 feet out from any edge of the garden. I picked a five-gallon bucket full an assortment of all the stuff mentioned above and started back to the house when, all of a sudden, I discovered that I couldn’t move either foot.
Six inches below the surface my garden is normally hard clay but it has rained so much over the last month or so that the stuff has softened up and now it’s like quick sand. I set my bucket down in front of me and used my good arm to pull one foot out and then the other and I did this for like 10 steps. It was either that or leave my boots stuck in the mud and I was wet with sweat when I finally made it to high ground.
It’s too bad Loretta didn’t have a video camera handy because we missed a perfect opportunity to win the grand prize on America’s Funniest Home Videos.