May 10, 2013

On The Rebound: A golf tale of fantasy and wonder

By Mitch Howard
Sports Writer

LAUREL COUNTY, Ky. — One of my daughters asked me to write about fantasy and magical worlds. She said when I write about real life stuff it’s just not very interesting. I will not name names here, but since I only have two daughters, you have a pretty good chance of figuring it out. (This is actually a semi-true story)

Once upon a time in a land not too far away, a beautiful princess asked her father, the king, to entertain her with a royal round of golf. Neither had attempted the royal game in some 100 fortnights. They still chose the regal and challenging TPC Sawgrass course.

The princess being the princess chose the first Xbox controller and relegated the poor king to shoot second. Very humbling to a man of his stature, but his vengeance would be swift and mighty on the course.

The first two holes were played evenly with no advantage given or taken. On the third hole, the king swung the club with all his ample might and authority. Leaving him just inches from a birdie.

The princess took her turn and as she swung there came a rumble of thunder. The Xbox controller shook as if some sorcerer had taken control. Instead of the distant image of a flying ball that usually appears on the television (I mean magic window) all that showed was the spinning ball. The princess had cast a spell that made the ball drop directly into the hole from 150 yards away. She squealed like a thousand peasants being thrown fresh hot Krispy Kreme doughnuts. The princess was pummeled with a pillow by the king.

The king sulked. Battles are not won and lost on a single shot. Victory would be his. The king would win the next hole to make things all square. Then he led off the next hole with a shot that drew whistles and cheers from the gallery. He would only need to tap in to regain control of the match.

The princess looked far too serious for a sixth grader. This made the king nervous and forced him to taunt the princess. She would not flinch. Not since Robin Hood split an arrow in half from 50 yards has such a shot been made. The princess had done the impossible, a hole in one. The king roared and hit her with another pillow. Her laughter echoed through the kingdom bringing the other princess down from her tower.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

“Nothing,” the king replied. “It’s your turn to play.”

And he left to exile. That night he practiced for hours and never made a shot like the princess. Next time they will play the Royal Trivial Pursuit 70s Edition. The end.