By Mitch Howard
LAUREL COUNTY, Ky. —
I will not divulge where the following events took place. I found the people exceptionally friendly and do not want to do anything to alter their southern hospitality. Everything printed here is true to the best of my ability to tell the story.
I arrived at the field just as the game was scheduled to start. Baseball and softball starting times are more a matter of suggestion than fact.
I grabbed my camera bag and hustled up the gravel path to the field, which was well concealed by trees. There was no visible sign of a game, except one other gentleman walking down the path.
“Am I on the right trail to the field?” I asked him.
He greeted me with a wide grin.
“You from North Laurel,” he said?
“I’m covering North Laurel for the newspaper,” I replied.
“They moved the game to the elementary school. Do you know where that is?”
I told him I did and turned to make my way back down the path. He doubled over in laughter.
“I’m just messing with you,” he said. “You guys are going to kill us, so I should send you the wrong way.”
Well played my friend.
A long drive with a large bottle of water had me seeking a privy, but there were no facilities in sight. I walked around the concession stand three times and didn’t find a restroom. I decided to ask someone, but not to ask the same man that I met on the way to the field.
A friendly lady told me I would have to walk to the football field. The game hadn’t started, so I ran as fast as the liter of water I drank would allow.
I spotted the men’s restroom and ran inside. The door shut behind me and there was not one trace of light. Bats would be afraid to use this restroom. I stumbled back out the door and asked a passing stranger if this was indeed the restroom. He confirmed.
I carry a small flashlight on my keychain. It provided just enough light to make sure I didn’t step on a dead body or tinkle on a rattlesnake. I’m not sure if I was aiming toward a toilet, trough or bathtub.
Feeling relieved and much lighter, I ran back to the field and picked a shady spot to shoot pictures. A lady and her young son watched the game from the other side of the fence. When he said he had to use the bathroom, I thought I hope he was a flashlight. Apparently she knew about the facilities and told him to walk over by the trees and take care of business, which he did. The young feller walked to the trees, dropped his pants, turned directly toward the on looking crowd and let ‘er rip.
I verify the above story to be true. My advice would be don’t talk to strangers, always carry a flashlight, and sometimes it is not rude to turn your back.