By Mitch Howard
LAUREL COUNTY, Ky. —
You know that person you never ask, “How are you?” You don’t ask them because they will tell you in full detail. This week I am that person.
I’m sure there are times I felt worse. I have come to work before so sick that people ran from me.
But whatever is going around now is awful. Over the weekend I rotated between chilling so hard I couldn’t plug in my cell phone, to sweating so much I had to get up in the night and change clothes.
My children being healthy showed all of the compassion you would expect. They forced me to take enough medicine to walk all over Levi Jackson Park for the Laurel County Homecoming Festival and the trails of Baldrock to hunt squirrels
Again, not sure what was going on, but I hadn’t been in this much pain since last week. While I was sawing tree branches and listening to my Ipod, a particularly peppy song came on and I sawed through the branch and the end of my thumb. I closed the wound with super glue and went back to sawing, this time with no music. That pain was over in minutes.
You couldn’t put a band aid or super glue the plague that befell me this week. I found that laying down hurt and getting back up hurt.
Instead I go to the homecoming and blow $5 so my children can win inflatable hammers by catching a plastic shark out of a tank. Next I donated $3 to watch a guy stick a sword in his nose and eat fire. If it wasn’t for the authentic bigfoot footprint and unicorn skull he had, it would have been a complete waste of my time.
The homecoming did look like a lot of fun for the hundreds of healthy people that attended. They did not feel like I did. Breakfast was eggs with a side of Excedrin. Supper was a burger followed by a Nyquil chaser.
Did I mention I have poison ivy from my ankles to my knees? I had to wear pants because my legs are an even whiter shade of pale from anti inch cream. And all of this started the day after I went to the doctor for a regular checkup.
So thank you for asking how I am. I’m feeling much better today.